Immediate Steps to Take When Your Spouse Passes

The death of a spouse is one of life’s most heart wrenching and debilitating experiences. You need to protect yourself by taking key steps both before and after their passing.

Memento Mori…

A term that translates a couple different ways, including “You could leave life right now,” or “Remember you must die.”

This is a Latin term originating from the practice of Stoicism – part of Hellenic philosophy – dating to c. 300 B.C.E.

While either interpretation sounds harsh, they are in part meant to remind a person of the inevitability of death, while reminding them of the importance of appreciating life.

A major part of appreciating life is looking after those people, causes and organizations who mean so much. And ensuring they are cared for in the manner preferred when the time comes that you or a spouse departs this earth.

For many of us though, especially in the U.S., thinking and talking about our own passing or that of a spouse or family member is extremely tough to do…even taboo. As such, it often doesn’t happen.

According to insurance provider Ethos, 68-percent of Americans say that discussing their end-of-life plans with loved ones is important, but just under half actually do.

In fact, when asked which topics they were most willing to talk about (the list includes issues such as money, sex, politics, religion, et cetera), death was at the bottom. Less than a third stated they wanted to talk about it with those important to them.

Clearly this is a problem, given that forethought communications and planning while you are both alive and of sound mind are important when it comes to ensuring that wishes are carried out and the people either of you care for are protected when you or your spouse pass.

Important items that should be discussed and/or gathered should include:

• Last will and testament
• List of assets and liabilities
• List of accounts for all financial assets (insurance, investment/retirement/banking/savings, et cetera)
• Beneficiaries clearly listed (updated) for all accounts
• Important documentation (statements, titles, contracts, et cetera)
• Premium memberships (country club, travel/vacation, et cetera)
• List of all advisors utilized (legal, financial, et cetera)
• Important contacts (phone numbers and emails)
• Medical records
• End of life instructions (do not resuscitate, donor elections, preferred religious or observation/commemorative services, burial/cremation plans, et cetera)

It’s important to note that this helps provide peace of mind to you or your spouse while alive. But equally so (if not more) to your surviving spouse or other loved ones, as they will be left behind when you pass. They are the ones likely to be experiencing grief, shock, disbelief (even when the death was anticipated…even for a long period) and many other emotions when that time comes.

For many, it’s an overwhelming feeling that can last weeks, months and longer. Adding to that feeling of being overwhelmed is the issue of having many things to do to ensure that what occurs next meets the wishes of the deceased, that family/friends/co-workers are notified, and a ton of legal and practical issues are attended to in short order.

Fact is, much must be attended to, and at a time that can be the worst in a surviving spouse’s lifetime. While the grief and other emotions won’t be avoided by preparing in advance, many of the issues that must be quickly dealt with can have been addressed or at least anticipated.

While much of the planning and preparation will hopefully have been done together already, today we focus on those steps that will have to occur from the perspective of the surviving spouse.

Step 1 – Immediate notification

As soon as a person passes there is generally local and/or state statutes requiring timely notifications of the event.

Notification is generally dictated by the type of death:

• Expected – if elderly or suffering from chronic illness
• Unexpected – accidental, sudden illness, foul play, et cetera

The other major determinant factor when it comes reporting the death boils down to where the event occurred.

The main locations and types of associated notification requirements are:

• Death occurred in a medical facility. Examples include hospital, nursing home or hospice. If so, that facility will generally deal with everything, which includes creating a death certificate that contains all relevant information. This will include date and time of death, cause, location and all other required information.
• In the event it happens in public or outside of home, especially if unexpected, you will need to contact 911 immediately. Police and/or other first responders will get involved, and also probably call in the coroner.

When the death is sudden, unexpected or there is a potential crime involved, you can expect the decedent will be autopsied so the coroner can determine the cause of death, if possible. They will also deal with the issuance and filling of the death certificate with the county or similar jurisdictional agency.

• In the event your loved one dies at home or potentially that of a family member or friend (be sure to check on outside home reporting requirements with local authorities), and it is expected, then you should immediately notify the mortuary or funeral home where you have previously made arrangements. This should be done quickly.

They will then come to the home and take possession of your spouse, transport them to their facility and handle the required information and issuance of the death certificate. They should also notify the appropriate local authority of the event.

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Step 2 – Assemble documentation

While your world may feel as if it stopped, it hasn’t. The reality of the situation is that some financial and other important issues will necessarily have to be attended to immediately – they simply cannot wait.

The initial notification (Step 1) ) will have started the entire process. In order to accomplish almost all the following steps, you’ll need a notarized copy of the death certificate. It’s smart to get at least a half dozen or more to ensure you have plenty.

If you were able to assemble important documents in advance, that will prove very helpful at this point. If not, then you and/or a trusted loved one or advisor will need to do so now or soon thereafter.

With the major documentation gathered you can now focus on the most pressing details.

Step 3 – Contacting loved ones and others

Making contact to let families, friends and other entities aware of what has occurred is important and needs to occur quickly. Hopefully, you’ll have someone to help or even do this for you.

Family and friends is obvious, but can be time consuming. And to the extent possible close family and friends should be contacted with a call, even in this age of social media.

Identify the group who should be contacted directly and have your assigned person get going on the first day making contact. Keep in mind that people who may wish to attend a service (generally within days to weeks) have the time to make arrangements, accordingly.

You can do social media posts across a few platforms for those who won’t be directly contacted. The post will provide notice and details. This can include a note on the ceremony or let people know they will be forthcoming, details on donations if doing so, a note of thanks for their thoughts, et cetera.

Step 4 – Final arrangements

Your loved one may have wanted a religious or other type of commemorative ceremony, or no service at all. One way or another the services of a mortuary or funeral home will be necessary.

That company will require a copy of the death certificate if they don’t already have one. If you’ve already selected one you’ll need to confirm the previously elected plans for the remains of your deceased spouse. If not, you will need to select a vendor and provide them with the final arrangement instructions regarding your spouse.

A word of caution is that often these types of arrangements aren’t finalized or even contemplated ahead of time, so you might find yourself having to quickly select a mortuary to work with and having to purchase a casket or urn, as well as a headstone and burial plot.

Also, if there was burial or final insurance to cover the aforementioned expenses, you may want to contact that company right away to file claim, as those expenses can easily run well into the thousands.

Step 5 – Contacting the wider net

Once the final arrangement plans are carried out and family/friends head home and things start to settle back to normal, you have quite a bit of work left that will deal with practicalities.

Additional notifications, taking possession of or redistributing assets, and more, will now come into play. All the information previously gathered will be necessary to work through this entailed part of the overall process.

You or your family/friend or advisor (e.g., financial advisor or legal counsel) will need to start the process of official notification to all the entities your spouse (or you both jointly) did business with.

If not already, it is often at this point that the will comes into play and should be reviewed by you and the estate executor (if one is named in the will), or a legal representative. This should detail how assets are to be dealt with.

There may be the need for the estate to go through probate, depending on the assets, size and state. If so, you will probably want to utilize qualified counsel. For many estates, probate isn’t necessary.

In some instances you as the spouse will automatically become the owner of assets, but that is not always automatic, depending on the state that has jurisdiction. Oftentimes, kids, family members and even organizations will be named as beneficiaries who are to receive a portion of the estate assets or proceeds.

As the spouse you will gain control of the assets where you are designated as the legal beneficiary or are listed as co-owner with the deceased. Examples include autos, homes, mortgages, et cetera.

This can also include banking accounts (checking, savings and CDs), non-qualified investments, retirement savings, spouse’s employer-sponsored pension plan(s), memberships, and more. You will need to notify them individually and provide the documentation and dispensation instructions that each requires.

Same holds true for accounts where you are the beneficiary and are due a payment upon your spouse’s death, such as life insurance policies and annuity contracts.

Survivor Checklist

Taking charge of financial affairs can be a very healing process. It
gives us focus and empowerment when we may need it the most. This guide
serves as a checklist to keep you on the right path while dealing with a
loss.

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For those assets that will be distributed to others, the estate executor (or legal representative) will be responsible for notifying and working with the associated entities to ensure proper transfer.

Even those accounts you wish to close, such as credit or store cards in your spouse’s name (or jointly), premium memberships (e.g., golf club), and more, will require notification of the event so you don’t incur future charges.

There may also be debt owed, which will have to be dealt with, either through payment or by taking over the associated obligation in your name.

For assets you are receiving as the named beneficiary, you don’t want to trigger a taxable event and owe taxes on the qualified account assets that were in your spouse’s name.

As such, you’ll probably want to utilize a rollover account(s) to ensure those assets can be properly transferred and maintain their tax-deferred status.

At the same time you should also name your own beneficiaries for those accounts to ensure that’s not an issue later when you pass.

It’s highly recommended that you utilize a qualified financial advisor to assist with the rollover(s) and to help with updating beneficiaries. 

One last important notification that should happen pretty quick is that of Social Security. You’ll need to notify to ensure your spouse’s benefits stop. You may also wish to apply for surviving spousal benefits that you may be due. The sooner you apply the sooner they will start. Keep in mind you can collect the greater of your own benefits or your spousal benefits, but not both.

Additional outreach:

• Credit bureaus: Your spouse’s death won’t automatically be reported to the credit agencies. To avoid fraud and other issues down the line, you should contact the major credit bureaus – Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion.

You’ll want to request that they list the death so you’re spouse’s identity can’t be fraudulently utilized in the future, and ensure you don’t get stuck with charges on accounts you know nothing about.

• Current and past employers: Don’t assume your spouse’s current or most recent employer distributed all due benefits. Even if you contacted them about a 401(K) plan or pension and that is being taken care of, you should reach back to ensure all other benefits due are accounted for. There may be back pay for vacation time accrued, or stock options or matching funds that hadn’t yet vetted when your spouse passed, et cetera.
• The same holds true with previous employers. It’s not unusual for cash and assets to remain in employer-sponsored accounts (example – overlooked and never transferred), so it’s worth taking a bit of time to ensure you get everything due.

Step 6 – Financial assessment

Reviewing your financial situation is essential. It doesn’t require immediate attention, but it is still better to take care of it in the few months after your spouse passes away. Having gathered all documentation previously, you will be able to easily complete a financial inventory to determine where you stand.

Your review needs to list and calculate all assets and debts. This will include checking, saving, and investment accounts (qualified and cash), houses, vehicles, real estate or land, art and all other possessions of value.

Next, you must factor in any obligations such as mortgages, personal loans, auto debt, credit card debt, et cetera.

In completing this step you will have accounted for what you own and what you owe, equating to your net worth. This is important information to know for both the present and the future.

Step 7 – Final taxes

When your spouse passes, as the survivor you’re generally responsible for filing the final tax return.

Either you or the estate (if that is the arrangement designated) will need to file per normal tax deadlines. A note on the return will be required informing the IRS that the individual has passed. No other notice or documentation is required.

Any tax due will be owed by you or the estate, while any tax overpaid and owed by the IRS will be paid to you or the estate, as designated in the tax filing.

Step 8 – Ask for professional assistance

Having reviewed all the previous steps, hopefully when the time comes you will have already reached out to your advisor if you have one. They will have already assisted you through this process.

If not, it’s a good time to engage a qualified retirement advisor now as you are reading this, before your spouse passes, or at least in the immediate thereafter so they can assist you.

As you go through everything they will likely prove invaluable, especially when it comes to making financial decisions, assisting with rollovers, transferring and retitling assets, attending to trust issues that might be necessary, getting beneficiaries renamed, performing a thorough financial assessment, helping with the filling of final taxes, and much more.

Step 9 – Take time

When a spouse passes, even if it has been expected and planned for, it still hits like a brick wall. Your physical and emotional well-being will likely be tested as never before and it is normal to be overwhelmed. Grief for many sets in and can be debilitating, even for the strongest.

It’s at times like this that you must be especially careful not to make big decisions or take big steps for a while. Grief counselors often advise six months to a year, if not longer.

While doing so might provide some relief from grief after such a loss, such decisions and actions may not be best for you as you go forward. Be sure to check with a trusted person and/or your financial advisor to ensure you don’t do something that could negatively impact your future.

Bottom line, give yourself time for the decisions that can wait.

Conclusion

It goes without saying that the death of a spouse can be among the most painful experiences in life.

It’s generally stressful and can be completely overwhelming. Life can feel as if it has stopped. But it hasn’t. And much must be attended to in very short order to ensure your loved one’s plans are properly adhered to in terms of final arrangements and in the distribution of their assets.

The same holds true for you as the surviving spouse. Decisions and actions must be made and acted upon to protect you and other loves ones and entities your spouse cared about.

This includes from a practical standpoint, but also to protect your rights and your financial future, especially if you are in or approaching retirement.

As should be clear, there is so much involved and so many decisions to be made. As such, you really do need to rely on the services of a financial advisor. If you have one you feel you can rely on, great!

If not, we can be of assistance with helping you traverse this life-altering event.

As part of that process, we can assist you by creating a retirement plan capable of helping you be prepared. We can build a holistic, comprehensive retirement plan addressing relevant issues such as the death of your spouse and life beyond, utilizing strategies that cover your Social Security, taxes, income, spending, healthcare, legacy, and more, customized to you specific needs.

A plan created with the goal of ensuring you are prepared throughout the remainder of your lifetime, just as your spouse would have wanted.

If you are ready to take the next step and talk to a team of financial advisors and retirement planners who can advise on all your needs, Schedule a call today!

 

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